The Internet is a bastion of weirdness and the people who celebrate it. I enjoy strangeness, oddities, and goofy pranks as much as anyone. That’s why I’m celebrating and/or chastising these weirdoes of the moment.
Summer is here, and everybody is getting new shorts. But what if those shorts are made from a repurposed afghan? The answer to that is so hideous and nightmarish that I hesitate to even tell you that you can have custom crochet shorts made just for you for less than $100. Materials? Yarn, and love.
I was horrified recently to learn “swatting” is a thing, and it’s sweeping the nation. For the uninitiated, swatting occurs when someone calls 911 and tells them there’s a hostage situation, a guy with a gun, or some other atrocity happening so the authorities send a SWAT team to take care of it. Isn’t that funny? Well, no, actually it isn’t. Calling the cops on your buddies for laughs is stupid enough. But actually getting SWAT involved is a great way to waste resources, cause accidental deaths, and get thrown in prison. Come to think of it, that last part would be pretty funny.
Have you not jumped on the dinosaur porn bandwagon yet? You shouldn’t, because it sounds dangerous. The fact remains that DinoPorn is still a thing, and it’s still selling like paleo hotcakes. And why not? It’s ridiculous, vaguely funny, and substantially less rapey than a lot of the popular “erotica” found in Amazon’s Kindle section.
No, I don’t mean the friend who crashes on your couch “for a night” and then stays for three weeks. This “leech guy” literally keeps a giant blood-sucking leech as a pet. Better still, he feeds it his own blood. Let’s hope he, like the blood bank, keeps plenty of cookies and tiny cups of juice at home so he doesn’t get dizzy.
Don’t let the fact it’s not eligible for Prime shipping dampen your resolve to purchase an invisible unicorn from Amazon. Sure, you can’t see it, which means you probably can’t ride it. It almost certainly will not strike fear into the hearts of your enemies, nor will it carry you to a magical land of rainbows and Whachamacallit bars. In the end, I have to be a little impressed someone has the testicular fortitude to sell an empty box for $4.99, and then to charge an additional $4.49 in shipping. Stay weird, weirdo!
If you’re looking for weirdness, Japan is always a good place to start. Their new game show blends two favorite pastimes, karaoke and getting a hand job. Really. Male contestants are stimulated by models hands (or feet, depending) and must sing the correct lyrics, in key, without being distracted. Next time someone tells you American TV is too sexualized, you can feel free to tell them about this. If the video is any indication, the Japanese find manual stimulation to be overtly hilarious.
What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen in 2015? Would you ever purchase an invisible unicorn?