Have you ever heard if we have four blood moons in a single year, the end of the world is nigh? Blood moons are among the many, many signs that inspire a certain caliber of human to begin preparation for Armageddon. In my lifetime, there have been upward of 40 predictions for the impending apocalypse. While most of us don’t get our proverbial panties in a bunch over some yahoo in a sandwich board yapping, “the end is near,” end-of-the-world prophesies aren’t as frivolous as some might have us believe.
Let’s look at The Rapture—one of the more prevalent end-of-the-world scenarios. Unlike the Earth being destroyed by fire, Y2K, or the end of the Mayan calendar—The Rapture is a very specific event. According to Jesus-enthusiasts and Kirk Cameron, the God of Abraham will yank his most holy followers off the surface of the Earth and take them up to his mighty kingdom. Presumably, there will also be punch and pie. Poppycock, amirite?
I’ll be honest. I once fell for a prediction of the rapture. My misleading lasted for almost a full minute. It was May, 2011, one of the (many) Harold Camping predictions The Rapture was upon us. I walked outside my apartment building that day and saw to my abject horror –empty clothes all over the lawn! For a few seconds, I thought my years of mocking Christianity had finally caught up to me. I was shocked, aghast. I looked around frantically, seeing no neighbors, no cars going by, just a pile of empty clothes. Something fluttered down from above. It was a shirt, then a dress, then a box of books. Wait, what? Suddenly it all became clear. My upstairs neighbor was being evicted. That sucked. But I suppose it sucked less than being…Left Behind.
The likelihood a biblical rapture will take place in our lifetime is slim. If the earth does end for everyone all at once, it’ll probably be because of climate change, nuclear war, zombies, or—heaven forbid—because cats have developed opposable thumbs. No matter the cause, there has to be a way to survive an apocalypse, right? Here are my three basic strategies.
Why is this important? Because there’s an apocalypse coming up, of course! Whether it’s the rapture, Armageddon, or the coming of the zombie army, we can’t say for certain. We will encounter four blood moons by the end of this year, which some say are a sign of impending doom. Astrological crackpot Jeane Dixon predicts Armageddon for the year 2020. That’s also bound to be the year we all get perfect eyesight, right Jeane? F Kenton Beshore has a Masters degree in Theology, which surely qualifies him to predict an extinction event “no later than 2021.” Granted, that’s just an approximation, so don’t wait until the last minute to get your affairs in order! Then again, Sir Isaac Newton said we’ve got until 2060. So you have plenty of time to finish binge watching Orange is the New Black before then.
Still not sure how you should be preparing for the end of the world as we know it? Maybe the chilling 1984 documentary, Night of the Comet, can help.