The Gnome Liberation Front (or GLF) has been fighting for decades to free the imprisoned slaves trapped in home gardens around the world. People cared so little about their plight that the garden gnomes were even proudly displayed in front yards to show off how many their owners had captured. Many were hard at work toiling in the garden weeding or digging and never resting. These hard workers are even forced to work through the cold winters in the snow with only a few breaks each day.
While most people spy them happily working in their owner’s garden, very few know of their living conditions. National Geographic recently brought to light some of the homes garden gnomes are forced to live in. Some owners don’t even furnish a place to sleep forcing the garden gnome to use thrown away trash like this used (and sticky) coffee cup. It is no wonder that with so many garden gnomes discovered in the morning rigid as a board that the liberation was soon to follow.
Even worse, owners rarely feed them. Garden gnomes are forced to forage and hunt in the small gardens they are forced to live in. Luckily, something small like a ladybug can provide a large meal. One owner was quoted as saying, “Gnomes have fed themselves for thousands of years. Why would they need our help now?” The owner, a country resident in Yorkshire, agreed to the interview under conditions of anonymity. Shortly after the interview, the owner’s gnomes were liberated and the landowner was forced to weed her own gardens.
With the recent help of the GLF, garden gnomes are being liberated all over the world. Most of them are taking to their natural habitats of the woodlands and forests nearby. Very secretive and small, they are hard to spot once they have left the garden unless they want to be seen but a rare photograph shows them taking it easy after decades of slavery. Two agreed to talk. Calling themselves Itchy and Scratchy, Itchy said: “One nice thing about the woods is you don’t have to mow.” Itchy agreed, “Yeah, and you don’t have to pulls no weeds neither.”
Many gnomes have taken the opposite approach. Being liberated after trapped in a small confined garden for sometimes over a hundred years, many gnomes are seeing the world with no intention of stopping. Many flaunt their new found freedom by sending selfies in every imaginable location on the planet. Every place on Earth seems to bare the footprint gnomes and there is no activity they won’t try at least once. One is rumored to have snowboarded down K-2 of the Himalayas and another rode a surfboard over Niagara Falls.
Many liberated garden gnomes are also taking back Christmas with one irritated gnome claiming, “It was our holiday to begin with. The elves took it from us.” Another age-old and wizened gnome calmly added while punctuating his words with the tip of his curved pipe in the air, “The elves bought us out and merchandised everything but it was still us climbing down those chimneys. If you want something done, you want a gnome — not an elf.”