Laptops In Ancient Greece… Sure, And They Still Wore Togas


The original fraternity just one-up’d all you history suckers out there, or at least that’s what conspiracy theorists are claiming thanks to an interesting new photo that has surfaced online; proving once again that anything and everything you read on the internet is absolute, concrete truth. Shame on anyone who tries to prove otherwise!

The [Greek] Gods Must Be Crazy

The photo, having recently made the social media rounds, depicts what some are saying is a laptop computer carved into a 2,100-year-old ancient Greek funerary relief.

The sculpture, found at the J Paul Getty Museum, in Malibu, California, USA, shows a young attendant holding an object, that appears to be open at a right angle, for a distinguished looking woman to view. Proponents claim that unlike many images that get passed around online, the photo of the relief is genuine; it hasn’t been altered or “digitally enhanced” in any way.

To further the paranoia flames, YouTube conspiracy theory channel StillSpeakingOut uploaded a video on the sculpture entitled “Ancient Greek sculpture depicting a laptop?”

The video’s narrator had this to say:

“[the sculpture] depicts an astonishing object which bears a striking resemblance with a modern laptop or some hand-held device… In another picture taken by a random tourist from a better angle we can see that the object is wide with a structure too narrow to be a jewel box and it does not match the depictions of the mythical Pandora’s Box.”

Furthermore conspiracy theorists insist the object in the sculpture is too thin to be a wax tablet – a folding wooden device coated in wax, with which a stylus was used to write on – as shown below…

But, the nanny squad, know-it-all experts have rolled in and claim that in fact, it is not a laptop depicted on the relief, neither are those USB slots on the side of said laptop. Rather, museum staff say the sculpture entitled “Grave Naiskos of an Enthroned Woman with an Attendant,” (and the award for the most on-the-nose title goes to…), depicts a slave or attendant holding a simple shallow chest.

“The depiction of the deceased reaching out for an item held by a servant has a long history in Greek funerary art and probably alludes to the hope of continuing earthly pleasures in the afterlife,” the museum wrote in the sculpture’s official description.

Furthermore, in the book “Greek Funerary Sculpture: Catalogue of the Collections at the Getty Villa,” author Janet Burnett Grossman described the woman in the relief as reaching for “the lid of an open flat box or mirror.”

The official reports and descriptions have done little to stoke the conspiracies, and at the end of the day isn’t that what makes America great in the first place? Believing something, anything in order to feel included, no matter the empirical evidence and countless number of experts that would claim otherwise.

*”Proud to be an American” plays softly in the background as the country rides off into the sunset


What are your thoughts? Is it evidence of advanced ancient civilizations? Or time travel? Or is it nothing more than a simple box or mirror? Is that exactly what they want us to believe? Join in the conversation: comment below and share on Facebook. The truth is out there…