Are You Intolerant of Gluten Intolerance?

If you were born after the new millennium you likely don’t remember, but there was actually a time when people could go out to restaurants and eat without playing 20 questions with the server to find out what ingredients went into making their food. Somehow people in the last few decades have developed all kinds of “allergies” and “intolerances” to foods that almost no one seemed to suffer years ago. Perhaps the biggest culprit among these is gluten.

Do You Have a Gluten Intolerance?

Now before all of you who are suffering from celiac disease and actual gluten allergies have a fit, keep in mind that no one is debating whether gluten intolerance exists. There are simply those among us who believe it has gotten way out of hand. If you self-diagnose yourself with a medical condition, you don’t have an allergy or intolerance; you are more likely a hypochondriac of some variety. Remember, there are actually people who get seriously ill when they eat foods with gluten, so going around looking for unnecessarily gluten-free alternatives  is perhaps the most annoying thing to happen in the 21st century (and there are a lot of annoying things to choose from).

An Intolerance of Gluten Intolerance

In light of all these people running around and asking for gluten-free food, a much more serious diagnosis has emerged—an intolerance of gluten intolerance. Symptoms of this dangerous condition include:

  • Rolling your eyes whenever you hear someone talk about how there is some health benefit to avoiding gluten,
  • Feeling angry when your friend goes out of his or her way to order gluten-free food when you know (s)he has no gluten intolerance,
  • Purposely eating more gluten just because you feel bad about all those delicious foods being neglected,
  • A general doubt anytime someone claims they are legitimately unable to eat gluten.

All of these can work together and lead to lashing out against people who complain about gluten.

Dealing With This Condition

pasta

If you notice that you have one or more of these symptoms, it is important that you realize how to deal with your condition. The last thing you want to do is to have an outbreak, and keeping yourself under control is an important step to beating this affliction. First, realize that not all people who talk about gluten are a bunch of idiots—some actually do need to avoid it. Second, remember that no one is going to learn from a mindless outburst; rather than yelling at your friend or getting upset, remind him or her that there is no benefit to avoiding gluten unless he or she has a legitimate need. Third and lastly, eat that extra slice of pizza and exaggerate how delicious it is in front of your gluten-free friend to remind him or her just how much (s)he is missing.

What If You Really Can’t Eat Gluten?

Here is a picture of pizza to cheer you up. Nature really gave you the short straw. Many of the best foods have gluten in them, so you are missing out. Sorry, but not really. Do the whole world a favor and help us stop others from parading it around like it is some badge of honor.

 


Do you have an intolerance of gluten intolerance? Tell us a story about a gluten-free encounter that got you worked up in the comments below.


Additional images: Wikipedia / Petty Officer 3rd Class Charles Oki

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Joseph Macolino
Joseph Macolino
When Joseph is not writing for his Evorath fantasy series, he tries to spend time honing his physical prowess to one day become the Punisher. Most of the time, he just ends up perfecting the art of procrastination by watching Netflix, reading other good fantasy books, or playing some mindless game. Follow him at Evorath