paranormalpopculture

Cowabunga! It was bound to happen. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been gold since the mid 80s when they debuted in their oversized comic magazine under their own title. The only surprise is why did it take so long for the most revealing film of all time? Their title says it all: “The Ten-Inch Ninja Turtles.” They are not referring to their shell size. See the heroes stripped down to their bare essentials and their secrets long hidden underneath their shell. With a catchy theme song, the porn parody is from Woodrocket.

Jewish?

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Who knew? It was revealed in the movie that the Turtles have all been circumsized, by their Teenage Mutant Ninja Rabbi no less. April, the intrepid reporter willing to unearth any unturned shell, gets the scoop. Just a snip of information to show us the pain and suffering they survived to become our heroes.

April

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Their new ally on the surface streets is reporter April O’Neil from Channel 69 who has a soft touch on the pulsating and throbbing events of the day. With her guidance, our heroes know exactly where they need to be and what to do. Before long, they are jumping on the action with the ferocity and excitement of two alley cats in heat in the back ally.

Master Sphinctor

Their ninja master tells us at the beginning how our heroes came to be. Originally normal turtles in a sewer, a nuclear plant worker (could it be Homer Simpson?) jerks off into the work toilet and flushes his radioactive sperm down the sewer where it meets our future heroes. Eighteen years later, our heroes have grown in to fully fledged ten-inch turtles who spread their Penis Power to fight crime. It all becomes “fifty shades of green” before it is all over.

Dongatella

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With his buddies Raphallus, Leonhardo and Michaelangeblow, Dongatello comes to the surface to fight crime against the scum of the city. Their revealing powers take a firm and hard stance against the chaos of the streets and sewers, penetrating every defense the criminals try to hide behind.

Casey Bones

An ally soon appears to help our heroes match inch for inch against the spreading menace taking over the streets. Behind his chilling mask and phallic sword, he stands side by side with our Turtles willing to take on any femme fatale and give it his all. He adds his own experience with his wisdom like when in the sewer “Don’t step in the poop.”

Spreader

Their main enemy is Spreader of the Footjob clan. Our heroes are only too eager to take up her challenge making it a four on one menage a mois to stop her from spreading her influence. Her aim is to cut.

Other ventures

If one parody is not enough, the next one is already here. Whether you have always wondered about Strokemon, Fap to the Future or Gnardians of the Galaxy, wonder no longer. Your next out of the world trip is loaded to bear and available.

Who will you share this new kind of adventure with?

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