Pregnancy is a magical time. At least that’s what they tell us. And then all of the weird pregnancy thoughts come flooding into your brain.
1. We’re pregnant!
2. We’re pregnant?!
3. Ohmygosh we’re pregnant.
4. Let’s open a bottle of wine to celebrate!!…
5. …HOW WILL I EVER GIVE UP WINE?!
6. Sushi, let’s get sushi to celebrate…NOOOO!
7. What can I eat if I can’t have sushi and wine?!
8. Wait, what month is it?
9. *Counts on fingers* are babies made in 9 months or 10?
10. What is that in weeks?
11. A December baby?? A summer pregnancy?!
12. I could really use some wine.
13. I think the baby is like, half the size of a grape.
14. A small grape.
15. And hopefully not as purple.
16. Or purple at all really.
17. Let’s hope it’s clear.
18. Or whatever color it’s supposed to be.
19. Should I be saying “it”?
20. I want to go shopping.
21. Baby shopping is the best.
22. Oh this car seat is cute.
23. And it turns into a stroller.
24. Like transformers.
25. Shia LaBeouf.
26. Do I need a rocking chair?
27. Single or double-pump capability?
28. What’s a good gender neutral color?
29. Do I want gender neutral?
30. I don’t want Taylor to be confused.
31. Wait who’s Taylor?
32. I need to start making a list of names.
33. Girl names first.
34. Then boy names.
35. Then names that could be girl or boy.
36. Like a venn diagram.
37. I need to buy a sharpie.
38. But what color do I buy?
39. I definitely can’t buy blue or pink because I could be jinxing fate.
40. Can I inhale sharpie fumes?
41. Why are my feet so ANGRY?!!
42. It feels like I walked a marathon across a lava field without shoes.
43. I didn’t have any shoes on the journey because none of them fit.
44. Although I suppose that even if I had shoes they wouldn’t help.
45. Is there anything that lava doesn’t melt?
46. I think I’m thinking too much.
47. Don’t think.
48. I said don’t think.
49. Nap, nap, nap.
50. Root beer, spicy mustard and cheese, pickle juice straight from the jar, cake cake cake.
51. Why am I still so tired?!
52. Oh that’s right.
53. Hey remember that show “I forgot I was pregnant”?
54. Or was it “I didn’t know I was pregnant”?
55. I wish I didn’t know.
56. My skin looks great.
57. My boobs look great.
58. My hair looks great.
59. This pregnancy thing isn’t horrible.
60. Okay I take back wishing I didn’t know.
61. DID I JUST FEEL A KICK?!
62. STOP THAT’S MY SPLEEN!
63. I think…
64. Is it too late to have that removed?
65. Can’t sleep, can’t sleep, can’t sleep.
66. This seems like a good time to catch up on some bedtime literature.
67. *Google searches* “Baby Deliveries.”
69. Can’t sleep, can’t sleep, can’t sleep.
70. *Counts how much time is left* 35 weeks to go…
71. Okay I may have overreacted.
72. Nah who am I kidding.
73. I’m growing another human being damnit!
Did you (or your wife) have any weird thoughts during pregnancy? Let us know!