Birthdays are the best. If you haven’t already figured out why birthdays rule, do yourself a favor and keep reading.
If our significant others aren’t totally into giving back massages, it’s likely those of us who enjoy getting rubbed on get one obligation-free back massage per year, and it happens on our birthday. We can also use this time to get that friend to give us the money he or she has owed us for weeks.
Maybe this isn’t something everybody does, but as far as we’re concerned, it’s basically a requirement of the day. If there’s something you want to eat any point throughout the day, you’re allowed to shove it in your face and devour it within 10 seconds of your craving. An entire block of cheese? Eat it. A pound of rice krispies? Eat it. Lobster? Eat it. Three bottles of wine? Drink them down.
Sometimes, anyway. If you’re older, this is probably becoming less and less true every year—this year I got a garage sale cutting board and a bottle of alcohol. Can’t complain.
Speaking of people giving you things, if you parade around the fact that you came out of your momma on that very day, stores will throw free shit at you. Thanks for giving birth to me, Mom! We shall now go and enjoy free Starbucks, Krispy Kreme donuts and Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.
It may be better to hide the fact that you’re taking personal time just because you were born, or maybe you work in a place cool enough where you can say peace out and ditch that popsicle joint. It’s your birthday! You can’t be paid to give any shits.
Have you ever been asked your age and had to stop and think about it? If so, it was probably not at a time anywhere near your birthday. Your age should be fresh in your memory for at least a month after your birthday and you should be able to recall that information pretty easily. People probably asked how old you were turning half a million times on the day, so when people continue to ask months later, you can still remember. You’re on your own after that.
They created you and they brought you into this world, so they have to be happy about it … because if they’re not, it’s their own fault. So logically, they have to be nice to you—after all, they’re the reason you exist. Sorry parents, them’s the breaks. Siblings on the other hand—we’re pretty sure they’re supposed to be just as nice, but chances are pretty good that they still don’t want to share the last piece of cake, even if it’s specifically for your birthday.