Horror movies are great because they contain both fantastic filmmaking and junk food for the brain. Especially bad horror movies. Luckily, there’s a never ending black hole of terrible horror movies, but thanks to mind altering consumables, there are ways to make even the worst horror movies at least moderately entertaining. Here’s what I suggest:
I’ve seen every F13 movie at least 3 times, I even had the opportunity to catch several on the big screen. While I may love to spend weekends binge watching franchise horror movies completely sober (sometimes), I understand some of you may not. But why did I pick the 8th movie in the series? A dude totally gets his head punched off his shoulders by Jason Voorhees and it lands in a trash can. ‘Nuff said. (And don’t forget a F13 drinking game to add even more fun to the substance-enhanced experience!)
Horror icon Robert Englund and Jenna Jameson star in this bizarro zombie movie. Essentially, a zombie outbreak happens and survivors seek refuge in a strip club. This movie is a mess from the start and weirdly overwrought with political comments. Nevertheless, Zombie Strippers has several hilarious and memorable moments. There’s even a drinking game!
Maybe in 1997 Anaconda was a serious attempt at a creature feature. And maybe I totally thought it was great when I was a kid. All that aside, this movie doesn’t hold up nowadays at all. The CGI is horrible even for ’97, John Voight is phoning in a confused accent and uncomfortable pervy performance, and then there’s the cavalcade of names all begging to be snake food.
For this venture, I recommend tequila and spicy fare to go with the red hot flames bursting between J-Lo and John Voight! *shudder*
To be fair, I could have included every one of the Leprechaun movies on this list. In the Hood is essentially about 3 rappers who are desperate for money, so they decide to rob the biggest pimp in their neighborhood. In doing so, they accidently release the Leprechaun and all of his terrible puns and stereotypes come spilling out with him.
For this one, you can follow the Film School Rejects guide to drinking with any Leprechaun movie. Of course, they recommend green beer but I would recommend something a wee bit stronger. One of their rules is to drink whenever the Leprechaun rhymes, so plan on staying in when you decide to try it. You won’t be able to drive (or walk) after the first movie.
There’s so much wrong with this movie, I don’t even know where to start, and yet I still have fun with it. If you aren’t like me though, you might need a little liquid courage to get through this entry… and not because it’s scary. The Final Nightmare, a lie in itself, takes place in a strange future where Springwood, Ohio is totally devoid of children because the adults are terrified of Freddy.
If you can wrap your head around a dystopian future that will never be mentioned again in sequels, then you might be able to endure the Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold cameos. And if you’re a nostalgia lover, there is a decent – albeit cheesy – kill with a Nintendo Power Glove. Grab a 6 pack of your favorite cheap beer and laugh at this mess of a movie.