Reports of the drought in California have been all over the news lately, and while some are screaming “fire and brimstone”, we at ArticleCats like to look on the bright side. So here are the top nine upsides to the California drought!
As someone from Portland, this is my favorite reason. You finally have a legitimate excuse not to care about personal hygiene without looking like a crust punk. Next time your mom, wife, or husband asks you to take a shower, call them an environmental terrorist – that’ll shut them up.
Let’s get real: water tastes bland. Growing up, my mother refused to buy me soda and Capri Sun; instead, making me consume flavorless H2O (yuck!). Now you can load up on delicious Dr. Pepper and Kool-Aid all day long. Oh Yeah!
Everyday can now be like Water World, or the far superior Tank Girl. I can’t wait until we come up with a device to suck water straight from human beings.
Suddenly, -40 degree winters and no coastline don’t seem so bad when there’s thousands of fresh water lakes everywhere. Hurry and snap up some Detroit property before it’s too late!
It’s Sunday morning and you have to do bone-breaking yard work. Or not. Thank god there’s a drought and you can go back to eating chips in bed. Having a dilapidated yard isn’t just for hoarders anymore.
Not even one-percenters and celebrities are immune from the water crisis. It’s kind of comforting knowing that Kim Kardashian is being denied free water at Nobu like someone from a third world country.
“They took our jerbs” can now be replaced with “they took our water.” Plus, environmentalists have a much friendlier image than xenophobes.
Californians with pools seem like bourgeois douchebags during a drought – why not turn lemons into lemonade and use your pool to store unwanted crap? Better yet, you can literally store your own crap in the pool like in Last Man on Earth and kill two birds with one stone.
My new business plan includes bottling up pristine Bull Run tap water and selling it for the low price of $8 a pop to thirsty Californians. Anyone want to invest?
How does the California drought affect you? Does anyone out there have a genius solution for fixing the problem? We’d like to hear from you (especially if you’re a civil engineer)!