The Onion newspaper is well known to fans of humor. It’s not easy to mistake the hamburger topping for the source of all that makes us question reality. But, why was the name chosen? Is there more in common than we realize?
Crying is the obvious comparison. We all know that the sulfur in the onion fragrance mixes with the water in our eyes as a form of diluted Sulphuric Acid, right? That’s what causes the tears to flow. But, have we really stopped to think about how many times we have cried after reading the Onion when we stop and realize the reality we have to go back to? If the reality of the Onion was real, how many of our problems would still exist?
Did you know that an onion will help you clean your grill? While it is still hot, slice an onion and rub the metal grill letting the juices clean the metal surface. Then, when it has cooled down, take the latest issue of the Onion and wipe it dry. After you’ve read it of course.
Insects are not big fans of the onion. So, rubbing the juices all over your body will keep them away. Of course, it will also keep away your family, any friends you might still have, the dog and any wildlife still within a mile of camp. Does the Onion newspaper also repel insects? Of course. If you wrap yourself like a mummy, the mosquitoes (who can’t read) will never get through the entire issue. Though they may stop long enough to look at the pictures.
Before it became known as the Big Apple, New York was also known as the Big Onion. The reason why is because, like an onion, you could peel the several layers of New York back and still not reveal the core. Who has been more imaginative at trying that than the Onion itself?
According to an Olde Englishe saying, the thickness of an onion will tell you if we have a mild or harsh winter coming. Thin is mild while thick is rough. The Onion can be the exact opposite. If the article is about a thick skinned person, they can expect a mild response from the subject. However, a thin skinned person…
In the “How did they ever discover that” department, it is now known that if you rub an onion on your feet, you will be able to taste it an hour later. In a similar vein, many people, an hour after reading the Onion, exclaim “Oh, I get it now.”