Don’t Move to Austin, It’s the Worst

It’s not on the postcard


Austin, Texas has a solid reputation for being creative and a trend setter. Want to be hip or cool? Move to Austin. But, beware the fine print. Austin may look good on a postcard but this is what it is like living there.

Traffic Gridlock

Austin came in #4 as the worst city in America for wasting time in traffic. It is estimated the average resident spends over 41 hours a year parked on the freeway next to a sign that says “Speed limit 50 miles per hour.”

Keep Austin Pseudo-Weird

Austin is the place where staying weird was the way of life. A liberal island in the conservative state of Texas, staying weird was self-defense against the conservative laws waiting for you if you ever stepped outside the city limits. Now, the weird is carried on by the newcomers who have no idea what weird truly used to mean. A way of life has been replaced by the next cute T-shirt to walk down the street.

Shriveling Living Space

At its peak, over 100 people were moving to Austin per day! Homes are selling for more than they are listed. Property is still cheap by big city standards but they are rising fast – if you can find one still on the market.


Actually the University of Texas Longhorns are kinda cool. If you like college football. Make that: love college football. Make that: spiritually invested to the holy day of Saturday football. But, if you don’t like football, you won’t enjoy Saturdays. The rest of the week isn’t so bad but you will still have to deal with the fact you are in a college football town filled with enthusiastic supporters who won’t understand why you don’t like football.


There is a rumor cars used to rest along the side of the road while their owners went inside a shop or bistro. These resting places had their own painted lines and a convenient time device on top of a pole that told you the time of day if you kept feeding coins through the slot. The cars were happy. The cars were peaceful. Now, it seems cars have no place to rest in the city. The old resting places are now filled with “other” cars with no room for more. Now, the trend is to just circle around the block until you run out of gas. Lets hope this trend doesn’t spread to the jets and planes at the airport.


Austin leads Texas in many things: Culture, liberalism and property crimes. Total crime in Austin is 50 percent higher than any other region in Texas. If you want to have your car stolen or home broken into, Austin is your best chance.

Flash Flood Alley

Over the last fifty years, the county Austin resides in has averaged over one death per year from drowning in a flash flood. About three-fourths of the victims have drowned in their cars. One reason why they have flash floods is because their record rainfall for a 24 hour period is over 19 inches. About half of the world records for rainfall come from Texas.


Have you ever been to Austin?  What did you think from your time spent there?