In this episode of the Angry Video Game Nerd he takes us through a tour of old school sports video games, and laments his experience of playing some of the first on the Atari 2600. Most would be just as frustrated if they sat there all day playing some of the worst video games on the planet. Some of these games are unbelievably rough, which allows for some pretty terrific rants and quotes.
After going on about his confusion/hatred for the endless amount of sports games and franchises, and American football in general (why isn’t Metallica doing the halftime show instead of these “pussy-pop” groups?), he dives into his review of the classic Atari sports games from a simpler time with titles like Basketball, Tennis, Baseball and Football. “Not this Madden shit. Just plain ass normal everyday, no question about it, no NFL, no year, not named after a player, not named after coach, not named after the referee’s pet goldfish. No quarterback, dimeback, Nickelback. Simple, ordinary, unembellished, unmistakable, crystal clear, as frank as Frankenstein, as blunt as an atom bomb, one compound word. IT’S MOTHERFUCKING, GOD DAMN, SONS OF BITCHIN’, FUCK FUCK FUCKING FOOTBALL…..aaaand it’s one of the worst games I ever played in my life.”
Some other gems include:
“I mean, it’s like a bunch of restroom signs got loose and started playing baseball.”
“I love that you’re dribbling a square ball. That’s right, this is before circles were invented.”
“It’s like the characters from Pong went to play golf. You’re a square, pushing a smaller square towards another square.”
It’s not all bad in the Atari world of sports, though. Super Football was kind of ahead of it’s time, boasting a 3D perspective. Real Sports Boxing actually looks pretty legit with cool graphics, boxers that resemble humans, and the ability to select your character! Grand Prix seems like a decent enough racing game, and according to the nerd himself looks like “a bunch of kazoos flying through a cabbage patch…not too bad.”
Thanks AVGN for enduring through the shittiest games all for our enjoyment.
Nerd out and check the video for yourself, below.