Broken Magazine

Skateboarders, soccer players and karate masters the world over know this sensation all too well. That queasiness in the pit of your gut that folds you like an old lawn chair. Some say it’s like twisting your insides as if they were the spout of a carnival balloon, and others liken it to menstrual cramping.

Hell, if you haven’t felt it once in your life then consider yourself lucky.

But, for those that have, science can shed a little bit of light on why your stomach hurts when you get kicked/credit-carded/kneed in the crotch.

Because We’ve Always Wondered

Palamedes

While tears, cold sweat, intense nausea and the inevitable collapse to the ground in the fetal position may seem like putting on a show, in truth it’s your bodies way of dealing with the incredible overload of stimuli.

“This is essentially a defense mechanism by the body to reduce the painful sensation,” says Dr. Muhammad A. Mirza, founder of erectiledoctor.com.

But that’s just the tip (no pun intended) of the cold-as-the-lower-levels-of-hell iceberg.

Firstly: when a man gets hit in the groin, signals are launched up to his brain at around 265 mph, saying “Hey, uh, I don’t want to seem bothersome, but, something ain’t right….” A neurotransmitter called Substance P is also released by the testicles to indicate the need for pain relief.

The signals that slam into your brain like a drunk coed crashing face first into the pavement trigger the release of endorphins (our body’s natural pain relievers) but it’s a double-edged sword…

I’ll let that sink in.

The surge in endorphins triggers a drop in oxygen levels, which can lead to a pounding headache and nausea. For some men, a part of the brain called the cervical sympathetic ganglia is also activated, resulting in tearing up or crying.

The inner ear may even be affected, creating a change in fluids that results in dizziness.

On top of this shit sundae, since the abdominal area shares pain receptors with the groin, the brain is simultaneously sending signals back south to tell you (since you didn’t know already) that you’re in pain down there.

Increased heart rate, sweating and higher body temperature are other common responses to this kind of injury, which is totally understandable.

Your body basically loses its mine, in what we guess is a way of saying, “Let’s not do that again.”

“From an evolutionary perspective our bodies are designed to react very intensely to any kind of trauma in that particular anatomy,” says Mirza.

Go figure.

If you are unlucky enough to land yourself in such a scenario, there are a few tips and tricks to lesson, or at least shorten the duration of said pain.

• Lying down flat on your back can reestablish proper blood flow to the brain, relieving headache and nausea and deactivating the sympathetic ganglia. This position can also help relax the groin ligaments and other muscles that were seizing up.
• Moving to a cool place and hydrating is also important because all that tearing, sweating, vomiting and the increase in body temperature can leave you low on fluids. Mirza also recommends over-the-counter pain relievers, particularly those that can help reduce inflammation, like acetaminophen. (…and I thought the pain was incredibly short term. God save the poor sap that finds the need to take such pain relievers.)
• Unfortunately, if the pain of a groin injury is persistent, if there was serious nausea, vomiting, or fever, or if there are obvious signs of trauma — like bruising or swelling — it’s probably a good idea to seek medical attention. In serious cases, groin hits can cause testicular torsion (a twisting of the testicle), rupture and can even threaten your fertility. This level of injury should be regarded as a medical emergency.

Go sit on that for a while… (You can have that pun.)

Thoughts? Have you met the bad edge of a skateboard? Have you said the no-no word to your spouse? Let us know: comment below, share your photos, and spread the word on Facebook!

Comments

comments