One To Rule Them All! Bass Pro Shops To Take Over Cabela’s.


In an effort to take over Cabela’s, Bass Pro Shops will be one ring closer to world domination of fishing and hunting. The shire of Sidney, Nebraska will be visited by the nine member corporate take over team of the Sauron-led front. No word yet of a Fellowship that might stem the tide of darkness over the forests, lakes and grasslands of the American hunter and fisherman. Will nothing prevent the creeping coming of the Mighty Sauron?

The Coming


The Nazgul corporate takeover team preceded Bass Pro Shop in acquiring the necessary stock needed for the corporate buyout. “The Nazgul are the best at coming in undercover in the dead of night. Corporate raiding is their specialty” claims an unknown source who spoke with eighty-five years of experience in ridding the forests of the presence of these former corporate CEOs. The take over of Cabela’s was inevitable.

Sidney, Nebraska


Discussion at the headquarters of Cabela’s of the impending take over went on through the night. Regional managers met at a moment’s notice to decide if there was any way to stave off the all-seeing eye of Bass Pro Shops but if there was any answer, it wasn’t released at the morning press conference. Reports however, say that a fellowship left before sunrise to an unknown destination on an unknown mission. There were no answers to questions of what they were trying to do.

From Within


Rumors spread like arrows to the chest of an inside leak allowing Bass Pro Shops a foothold in the take over of Cabela’s. Without inside information, it is said that gaining the necessary majority would have been as impossible as storming Mordor with just a friend at your back and a pet on a leash. “We will not confirm or deny any leaks from within.” Replied corporate CEO Elrond fresh from the shooting range and still carrying his bow and quiver. “If there was, we know how to plug a leak.”

Fall Of The First Branch


The take over of Cabela’s has begun. Reports of an outlying Cabela’s being swamped by customers looking for bargains on the last day of Cabelas’ lower prices was a much larger response than expected. “We brought in all employees to say goodbye to our loyal customers.” Said branch manager Theoden. “The response was overwhelming.” It was reported afterwards that shelves wee cleaned and laid bare.

Efficiency Experts


The take over of Cabela’s will be finalized in the coming months as corporate efficiency experts swoop in to cut costs and streamline employee methods. Vice-president of corporate take over, Mr. Gollum, said, “We will help, yessss we will. Our time is presssscious. Ssssoon, everyone will look jusssst like me, he-he-he.” Horror stories abound with vignettes of steamy working conditions. Morale of the employee will be buried in the depths of the basements far removed from corporate management looking down from their two ivory towers.


Will You Still Shop At Bass Pro Shop-Owned Cabelas?