5 Honest Shower Thoughts No One Admits

The shower. Other than perhaps the moment before you fall asleep, it is responsible for some of your most amazing and creative thoughts. Of course, aside from those brilliant inventions you have undoubtedly thought up only to forget the moment you turned off the water, this crazy hygiene invention is also the cause of many more disturbing thoughts. Regardless of who you are and where you came from, here are five such thoughts you can probably relate to.

Can I Distinguish my Urine from Shower Water?

If you haven’t peed in the shower before, then you haven’t ever truly lived. While you are letting that stream flow, you may have had a thought come to your head though. How easy is it to distinguish urine from the shower water? Perhaps you try to see if you can get your stream to go faster, or if you are a guy you might aim directly for the drain to see if you can avoid crossing streams with the shower head and hit your target. It’s OK. Everyone wonders this sometimes.

Is There A Proper Way to Clean my Genitals?

When you were first taking showers, you probably started in a bathing suit and received some instructions from your parents on what to do. You want to apply soap in some key areas, use shampoo in your hair, and scrub everything properly. Despite this, no one really showed you how to clean your genitals (and thank God for that). So, are you really exercising proper form when you do it? Speaking of which…

Do Other People Think About Their Genitals?

Inevitably, this leads you to wonder whether you are the only one who thinks this hard about cleaning your genitals. Don’t worry; you’re definitely not. Still, this thought eats away at your brain, making you wonder what else you might have in common with other people. Naturally, that leads to another problem cleaning area.

What About my Butt Though?

Then you realize, as you lather, scrub, rinse, repeat…”what about my butt?” Once again, you wonder if you are exercising the proper cleaning routine. Sure, you wipe yourself very thoroughly after you drop a deuce, but shouldn’t you scrub it more while you are in the shower? Perhaps there is some special technique that would ensure you keep a butt free of all fecal matter. If there is, will you ever know? And inevitably, this leads to the last common thought?

Does Anyone Ever Know Anything?

After realizing you have no idea how to properly clean two key areas on your body, you start to ponder what you really know. Have you really just been walking through your life in a haze? Does anything really make sense in the grand scheme of things where everyone is confused about cleaning their own genitals? Perhaps it is all just a cruel joke, and we are just blind sheep in some cosmic punch line.

But, good thing the shower is over. Time to go get dressed and take care of those 20 errands I still have to do.


What bizarre shower thoughts do you have on the regular? Have you ever come up with a truly amazing idea thanks to your shower thoughts? Let us know in the comments below! 

Additional image: Flickr / Leslie E-B




Joseph Macolino
Joseph Macolino
When Joseph is not writing for his Evorath fantasy series, he tries to spend time honing his physical prowess to one day become the Punisher. Most of the time, he just ends up perfecting the art of procrastination by watching Netflix, reading other good fantasy books, or playing some mindless game. Follow him at Evorath