Why Doesn’t NASA Want You to Know About This Asteroid?

One could certainly make the case that NASA is no fun at all. After all, those eggheads hardly ever send rockets into space anymore. They go around denying that there are crabs, squirrels, and scantily clad women on Mars. NASA scientists even went so far as to rob Pluto of its right to be a planet. Maybe these people were nerds in high school—back when nerdiness was a bad thing.

Maybe they never got over being stuffed into lockers by their more athletic, brutish classmates—and that’s why NASA scientists long to take the fun out of everything. This theory is certainly supported in NASA’s latest pronouncement that there is NOT a killer asteroid set to demolish all of Earth later this month. NASA scientists have gone so far as to declare that “There is NO asteroid threatening Earth.” Well NASA scientists—are you calling YouTube a liar?

C’mon, do asteroids really threaten planets before showing up to do their damage? Could it be that asteroids are sneakier than that, and offer no warning whatsoever before they cut a swath of rocky destruction on an unsuspecting world? If asteroids aren’t a real threat, why is Michael Bay so interested in talking about them? Surely the safety of humanity is his only motivation for the work he does. Maybe these devious and sneaky asteroids are jealous of the boy-next-door handsomeness of Elijah Wood because they’re just big ugly rocks?

By assuring citizens that no asteroids are forthcoming, perhaps NASA is trying to lull humanity into a false sense of security. Maybe they’re keeping us from planning for an apocalyptic event. It’s possible NASA scientists think that if most of us fail to plan for the coming cataclysm, there will be more supplies and fertile lands leftover for them. If that sounds far fetched, that may be because the outlandish plots hatched by mad NASA scientists cannot be comprehended by everyday internet folks.

What should you do to prepare for the coming asteroid? According to NASA scientists, nothing. But if you’d like to be more ready for asteroid-induced fallout than not at all, there are a few things you can do. Begin by watching films that cover this sort of emergency. These movies were made to help you—so failing to utilize their cinematic wisdom might be your downfall. TV episodes can also be helpful in the event of a viral asteroid situation.  You might even learn who is actually responsible for your planet’s impending doom.

Why NASA scientists are reticent to ramp up the hysteria and terror of an asteroid scare is unknown. What we do know is, they assure us that for the next century or so, no asteroid is destined to hit the Earth. Is that enough to keep you from being having your sh*t together? No one can answer that question but you.


Are you ready for impact?




Wednesday Lee Friday
Wednesday Lee Friday
Wednesday Lee Friday was born November 24th, in Royal Oak, Michigan. It was a Tuesday. After deciding against being a ballerina, an ichthyologist, and a famous singer, she decided to become a novelist just before starting kindergarten. Wednesday went to college in Olivet, Michigan where she majored in theatre and broadcasting for some reason. Wednesday Lee Friday is a four-time published novelist, podcaster, horror fan, and former phone sex gal. Wednesday eats true crime for breakfast, knows enough Dothraki to buy a horse, and is a Simpsons Superfan. Look for her novels, anthologies, and audiobooks wherever you usually buy those things.