Spoiler alert: When the Mother of Dragons, Daenerys Targaryen, finally takes Westeros and sits atop the Iron Throne, she succumbs to the feminine notion she needs a husband. What better way to find everlasting love than to condense the journey into a swift six weeks, ending in the most romantically forced proposal a girl could ever dream of. Here’s how that would go…
Daenerys is your strong, steady type. Exiled as a baby, Daenerys was sold into marriage, endured the death of her husband, loss of their stillborn son, and the death of her entire family. After all those hardships she rose anew from the flames of her husband’s funeral pyre to become the Mother of Dragons to three little fire-spitters. She’s well-spoken, sympathetic, and full of determination. After conquering the world like a boss, she’s ready to take on love.
Meet the Men:
Tyrion is hoping Dany can overlook his short stature and appreciate his wit and intelligence. He’s also hoping she can overlook the fact his family betrayed, overthrew, and massacred her family. He fully intends to talk about dragons at every opportunity.
Even though he entered Dany’s life as a spy, he hopes his devotion and love for Dany will conquer all. We expect him to be the first to say he’s falling in love and he can’t believe how crazy it sounds.
A hostage for much of his life, Theon/Reek will likely have to overcome the desire to cater to everyone’s whims while refusing to make eye contact. Hopefully Dany won’t be turned off by his split personality, or his inability to procreate after losing his manhood to the sadistic nature of Ramsay Bolton. If she is, we’ll blame Bolton for ruining Theon’s chances at love.
While Jaime is clearly the hottie of the group, he’s got some serious baggage. Dany may need to consider the idea of a polygamist lifestyle as Jaime and his sister, Cersei, have an ongoing love affair resulting in several bastard children. But, if she can see past this small psychological issue, she would be ensured a position with a very prominent family and a lifetime of Lannister gold.
We technically never saw his head come off, so he must still be alive too. He must. There may be some tension here as King Robert Baratheon once ordered Dany’s assassination when he found out about her pregnancy to Khal Drogo. Not to mention his recent sacrifice of his only daughter, and, what appears to be, an ongoing lusting for the Red Witch.
Who doesn’t love a large red-headed man with a glorious beard? A trusted leader of the Wildlings, we’re all a bit surprised to find out that Tormund is surprisingly charming. Dany is pleasantly surprised as well and decides to give him the first impression rose. Well done, Tormund.
Ramsay quickly dubs himself the group drunk, succumbing to the free and bottomless top-shelf alcohol, and getting belligerent and aggressive with everyone. He gets kicked out, ruining his chances at finding love. He makes sure to let everybody know this is stupid anyway.
As we head into the first rose ceremony, emotions and tension are running thick between the men. As Dany stands in front of the men with the tray of roses next to her, she realizes she’s Daenerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragons, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and she doesn’t need a man because she’s full fledged bad-ass on her own. With a whisper, Dracarys, the last vision the men see is a flash of red on black scales as their bodies are consumed by fire.